Navigating the decision to divorce is never easy. Whether you’re in a high-profile marriage, dealing with a high-conflict divorce, or feeling stuck in a relationship plagued by “roommate syndrome,” open and honest communication can provide clarity. As a divorce coach, I’ve guided many clients through these pivotal moments, helping them determine whether to move forward or seek solutions to repair their relationship. Below, I’ve outlined ten key questions to ask your spouse before filing for divorce. These range from logistical to deeply emotional and can help you make a more informed decision about the future of your marriage.
Setting Expectations for the Conversation
 | Approaching your spouse with these questions requires sensitivity and preparation. These discussions might be tense, and it’s normal for emotions to run high. If your spouse becomes defensive or even threatening, don’t let fear dictate your next steps. Stay calm, and remember that the goal is to foster understanding, not conflict. Use this conversation as an opportunity to explore whether your marriage is repairable or to set the groundwork for an amicable divorce. If things escalate, prioritize your safety and consider seeking professional guidance or support. |
Also, remember that their wants don’t always equal what they will get. Just because they WANT the kids 75% of the time doesn’t meant they’ll get it. Or just because they WANT to keep their entire Roth IRA that they contributed to while you stayed home with the kids so they could build their career, doesn’t mean they’ll get to. If their answers seem extreme, unfair or threatening, schedule a consult with me and together we’ll get your divorce on the right path.
Emotion Based Questions for Divorce
1. Do You Feel That Our Marriage Is Meeting Your Needs?
 | This question can open up a conversation about unmet expectations, emotional disconnect, or underlying issues that have contributed to your current situation. High-conflict divorces often stem from unresolved needs and misunderstandings. Understanding your spouse’s perspective may help clarify whether those needs can still be met within the marriage. |
2. Are You Willing to Work on Our Marriage?
If you’re contemplating divorce but are open to reconciliation, this question is crucial. It gauges your spouse’s willingness to attend counseling or seek other forms of relationship support. If they’re unwilling, this insight might help solidify your decision to move forward.
3. What Do You Think Has Changed Between Us Over Time?
Understanding how your spouse perceives the evolution of your relationship can shed light on areas of disconnection. This conversation starter often uncovers moments of misunderstanding or neglect that could be addressed if both parties are willing.
4. Do You See Us Growing Old Together?
 | This big-picture question asks your spouse to consider their long-term vision for your relationship. If their response is uncertain or negative, it might indicate that the marriage has run its course. |
5. What Does “Happiness” Look Like for You in This Marriage?
By asking this question, you’ll gain insight into your spouse’s values, priorities, and expectations. If your visions of happiness don’t align, it could be a sign that the relationship’s foundation is fractured.
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Logistical Questions
6. How Would You Envision Co-Parenting if We Divorced?
 | For couples with children, co-parenting is one of the most critical aspects of divorce. This question allows you to discuss potential custody arrangements, parenting philosophies, and how to navigate your roles as parents post-divorce. |
7. Are You Open to a Collaborative or Amicable Divorce?
High-conflict divorces can be emotionally draining and financially devastating. By asking this question, you’ll better understand your spouse’s willingness to work toward a fair resolution without unnecessary hostility.
8. What Are Your Financial Concerns If We Divorce?
 | Divorce often brings financial uncertainty. Discussing this openly can help both parties prepare for potential changes, including spousal support, asset division, and child support. This is especially important in high-profile divorces where significant assets may be at stake. |
9. What Do You Think Is Fair When It Comes to Dividing Our Assets?
This question helps you understand your spouse’s perspective on fairness in the division of marital property. Knowing their stance early on can influence your approach to negotiation or mediation.
10. How Would You Feel About Working with a Divorce Coach?
A divorce coach can provide invaluable support in navigating the emotional and logistical complexities of divorce. Introducing this concept to your spouse may help them understand that professional guidance can lead to a more constructive and less adversarial process.
Why Asking These Questions Matters
 | Before filing for divorce, asking these questions can bring clarity to your situation and potentially pave the way for healthier communication. Even in cases of high-conflict or high-profile divorces, transparency and understanding can set the tone for a more amicable resolution. Additionally, addressing these topics can help you feel more confident and prepared, whether you choose to stay and work on the marriage or move forward with the divorce process. |
The Role of a Certified Divorce Coach
 | As a Certified Divorce Coach, I specialize in helping clients navigate the complex emotions and decisions surrounding divorce. My training includes strategies to manage high-conflict relationships, support individuals in high-profile divorces, and guide those experiencing “roommate syndrome” toward clarity and resolution. By working together, we can create a roadmap tailored to your unique situation, ensuring you feel supported every step of the way. |
My Thoughts as a Certified Divorce Coach
Divorce is a life-changing decision that should never be made lightly. By engaging in open and honest conversations with your spouse, you can gain valuable insights into the state of your relationship and make a more informed choice. If you’re struggling to navigate this challenging time, or you want to divorce in the best way possible I’m here to help you move toward a brighter, more empowered future.
