| Quick Answer The week between Christmas and New Year’s—often called “The Limbo Week”—is the most strategic time to build resilience during divorce. Instead of waiting for the January filing rush, use this quiet window to privately gather financial documents, vet your support team, and establish emotional boundaries. This proactive approach allows you to enter the New Year with a clear roadmap rather than reactive stress. |
There’s something strange about that time between Christmas and New Year’s Day. The wrapping paper is stuffed in garbage bags. The leftover ham is drying out in your fridge. Your spouse is sprawled on the couch watching bowl games, and you’re sitting there with a half-empty glass of wine, thinking: I can’t do this for another year.
I’m writing this just a couple of days after Christmas, in that weird time where we forget what day it is if we don’t look at a calendar. And I know—if you’re considering divorce, this is one of the most uncomfortable weeks of the year.
You’re not alone in that thought. And you’re not wrong to have it.
As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, I can tell you exactly what happens on January 2nd: my phone starts ringing. Emails flood in. People who spent December “holding it together for the kids” are suddenly ready to move forward. But here’s what the smart clients do differently—they call me now, during this weird limbo week when the world is half-asleep, and they finally have space to think clearly.
This isn’t just downtime between holidays. This is your strategic window to build resilience during divorce before the courts reopen, before your spouse’s guard goes back up, and before you lose another year to a marriage that’s already over.
The Emotional Reality of the Holiday “Limbo Week”
So many emotions as you work through the holidays. Your thoughts vary from “This could be the last time I spend Christmas with my spouse’s family” to “What will Christmas morning look like next year if I move forward with filing?” to “This is so stressful, and I can’t get out of here fast enough!”
You may be excited for the changes, sad about what’s to come, angry that you’ve been forced to make this decision—but more likely, you’re feeling all of those emotions at once. The holidays bring added stress even in the best of marriages, but add hurt feelings, being ignored, gaslighting, and arguments? It’s enough to make someone feel crazy.
And here’s something that might resonate: isn’t it interesting that we often don’t want to leave our marriages because we don’t want to feel lonely—but being in a dysfunctional, toxic marriage is one of the loneliest places to be?
If you’re having those feelings, believe me, I completely understand. I’ve had those feelings too, especially with social media, where we see everyone else’s “highlight reel” of their “perfect” lives while we’re sitting in our own messy reality.
Understanding the “New Year Divorce Spike” (And How to Beat It)
Every family law attorney will tell you the same thing: divorce filings spike dramatically in January. There are solid reasons for this pattern. Couples hold it together through the holidays—for the kids’ sake, for the family photo, for one more Christmas morning of pretending everything is fine. Others wait for the financial year-end, tax season, or simply the symbolic fresh start of a new calendar year.
But here’s the problem with being part of the January spike: everyone else is flooding the system at the same time. Attorneys are booked. Court dates are months out. You’re starting from behind.
The strategy that builds true resilience during divorce is different. It’s using this quiet week—while your spouse is distracted by football games and leftover cookies—to organize, plan, and prepare. Don’t just be another statistic in the New Year divorce spike. Be the person who walks into January with a strategy, not just a decision.
Strategic Steps to Build Resilience Before January 1st
The Quiet Financial Audit
Right now, while everyone is in post-holiday recovery mode, quietly start gathering documentation. Take photos of bank statements with your phone. Download PDFs of credit card accounts—screenshot investment balances. Note the usual monthly expenses that hit your accounts.
You’re not doing anything wrong—this is your financial information too. But timing matters. It’s much easier to gather this information during the holiday hangover than it will be in February when tensions are high, and accounts might suddenly become “unavailable” to you.
The Emotional Detox
Yes, this might have been “The Last Christmas” as an intact family. That hurts. It’s okay to acknowledge that grief. Sit with it for a moment.
Now, pivot your perspective: this is also the threshold of your first year of freedom. Resilience isn’t pretending you don’t feel pain—it’s refusing to let that pain make your decisions for you. You already survived the hardest part: admitting to yourself that this marriage is over. Everything from here is logistics and courage.
Building Your Board of Directors
You wouldn’t start a business without assembling the right team. Your divorce strategy deserves the same careful planning. Use this quiet week to research:
- A divorce coach who can help you navigate the emotional and strategic elements
- An attorney whose approach matches your goals (collaborative vs. litigation)
- A therapist for your ongoing emotional health
- A financial advisor who understands divorce settlements
Do the research now. Read reviews. Schedule consultations for early January. When offices reopen, you’re making calls, not starting from Google.
Decision-Making Tool: The “Future Self” Strategy
If you’re still not sure what to do about your marriage, I always encourage people to look ahead. Ask their future self what they need. Sound too “woo-woo-ey”? Let me explain.
You want to do a Future Self Meditation. I walk clients through it in my course in greater detail, but I’ll explain the basics here. You want to picture your IDEAL self ahead of some years. You pick. Depending on your age, it could be 5 years if you’re older or 30 years if you’re younger.
Where are you? What kind of home do you have? Does anyone share the space with you (human or furry)? What type of clothes do you wear, and how do you decorate your space? What are your hobbies, and do you work?
Now, that is a very brief version of this, but what you want to do next is ask your future self, either by writing this or meditating on this, what he or she needs you to do NOW to get there.
Do they need you to find your strength to move forward with a divorce? Do they need you to give marriage counseling a chance? Do they need you to get individual therapy or perhaps some medication? Do you need to have that tough conversation with your spouse with specific boundaries and expectations in order to consider staying married?
I practice this from time to time when I meet a crossroads, and it has been very effective in guiding me. Let me know if you try it and how it works for you! If you get stuck, I work with my 1:1 clients on this, and my course also offers a much more detailed version.
Managing Reputation During a “Small Town” New Year
If you’re in Central Illinois or any tight-knit community, you know the reality: everyone is watching. New Year’s Eve parties become minefields. Do you go? Do you stay home? Do you show up together one last time?
Here’s my professional advice on reputation management during this transition: make your decisions based on your mental health, not other people’s comfort. If attending that party means hours of “How are you guys?” from well-meaning neighbors, maybe you should skip it this year. If staying home means spiraling in your own head, maybe you go.
But here’s the non-negotiable rule: 💡 Coach’s Corner: If you’re drinking at a NYE party, you are NOT talking about your marriage. Period. Gossip spreads faster than champagne in small communities. Save those conversations for your coach, your therapist, or your attorney—people who are legally and ethically bound to confidentiality.
Mindset Shift: Breaking the “Sunk Cost” Fallacy
I know what you’re thinking: “But we’ve been married 15 years.” Or 20. Or 25.
That voice in your head is the sunk cost fallacy, and it’s a trap. Yes, you’ve invested years into this marriage. You’ve built a life, maybe raised children, accumulated assets and memories and shared history. All of that is real.
But resilience during divorce means understanding when to stop investing in a bankrupt business model. Those 15 years aren’t wasted—they taught you what you need and what you won’t tolerate. The question isn’t whether you’ve already spent 15 years; it’s whether you’re willing to spend 15 more years feeling exactly the way you feel right now.
Don’t let sunk costs steal 2026 from you, too.
Practical Tool: The “Quiet Preparation” Checklist
While the world is in strategic silence mode, you can be in strategic action mode:
- Communication Practice: Start using the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) in your holiday texts with your spouse. It’s practice for the co-parenting communication ahead.
- Digital Hygiene: Change passwords on your personal email, social media, and any accounts that matter to you. Use a password manager. Secure your digital life before you announce your plans.
- Real Self-Care: I’m not talking about bubble baths and face masks—though if those help, great. I’m talking about actual sleep. Protein at every meal. Moving your body. Drinking water. The basics that keep your nervous system regulated when everything else feels chaotic.
- Document Everything: Start a private folder (cloud-based, password-protected) where you keep notes on concerning incidents, copies of important documents, and a timeline of events. Organize now, thank yourself later.
Frequently Asked Questions About Seasonal Divorce Planning
Q: Is it better to file for divorce before or after New Year’s?
There’s no universal answer, but strategic timing matters. Some people file in December for tax purposes. Others wait until January to avoid holiday complications. The “better” choice depends on your specific financial situation, custody concerns, and local court schedules. This is exactly the kind of question to discuss with your divorce coach and attorney during this planning week.
Q: How do I start planning for divorce during the holidays?
Quietly and carefully. Gather financial documents. Research professionals. Start journaling about custody preferences and asset priorities. Create a separate email account for divorce-related communications. Most importantly, build your support system before you make any announcements.
Q: What is the first step in a divorce strategy?
Information gathering—both practical and emotional. What are your financial realities? What are your non-negotiables? What does success look like for you six months from now? A solid divorce strategy starts with clarity about where you are and where you want to be.
Conclusion: Your Bridge to the Future
This weird week—the holiday hangover between Christmas and New Year’s Day—isn’t just empty time. It’s a bridge. Behind you is another year of going through the motions. Ahead of you is a year that could look entirely different.
Resilience during divorce doesn’t mean toughing it out in a broken marriage. It means having the courage to use this quiet moment to plan, prepare, and position yourself for the life you actually want to live.
You don’t have to walk into January blind.
Ready to turn this planning week into your strategic advantage? Join my Smart Start 90-Day Program and start the year with a map, not a mess. Let’s use this limbo week to build your resilience strategy, organize your priorities, and create a clear path forward.
Contact me today to schedule your strategy session. The courts might be closed this week, but your future is wide open.
Wishing you all the best and sending lots of strength and love through the New Year.
Katie VandenBerg is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach® specializing in high-conflict co-parenting and strategic divorce planning. She helps clients in Central Illinois and beyond navigate divorce with clarity, dignity, and a solid plan.
